


Whats Left of Us

by MyChemicalDefect



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: F/M, Gen, Post Series 2, Some Crack, Some Fluff, but has a whodunnit aswell, but mainly angst, cos this is broadchurch, former detectives club, really a slash fic, some smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-15 01:03:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3432305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyChemicalDefect/pseuds/MyChemicalDefect
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Could Alec and Ellie ever be happy? They're strong but are they strong enough because it never rains in Broadchurch. but pours.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Forgot Somthing

**Author's Note:**

> This fic starts at the end of s02s08.

Ellie felt like an ungrateful cow. She should be happy: Joe was virtually banished and she never had to see his murdering mug ever again, her oldest son was living with her again and they got on better now then ever, her best friend Beth and the rest of the Latimer's now knew that she was just as ignorant about Joe and Danny as they were and they seemed happy, the Miller kids and the Latimer kids could still grow up together and she had all the family and friends she could want but as she watched Chloe help Fred make a sandcastle and Tom pulling funny faces at little lizzie all she could think about was Alec bloody Hardy.

She didn't understand she didn't even like him that much, She hated the way he walked around with a face like a slapped arse, she hated how his shirts where never ironed, she hated his Scottish accent and she hated the way it went more Scottish when he got passionate, she hated his condescending tone, she hated his general passiveness, she hated his messy hair and that scruffy beard, she hated those light brown eyes and the way they looked at her _but she loved him._ Even though it was about her own feelings Ellie's epiphany shocked her so much that she actually voiced her surprise out loud.

"what the actual fuck, shit... sHiT" she exclaimed while pulling her hands over he face. 

"everything alright El" asked Mark clearly surprised by her sudden outburst.

she wasn't really listening still in shock mind running at 1000mph. When she left him Hardy said his cab was picking him up in about half an hour, she went to collect Fred and Tom and took them to the beach, that had only taken her about 15 minutes as she lived so close and they'd only been at the beach for about 5 minutes, which meant she had 10 maybe only 5 minutes to run down to Broadchurch high-street and get to the cabbing area where Hardy would be waiting, she had time she was going to have to run like she was 20 but she could do it, yeah she'll do it. This internal monologue had lasted about 5 seconds and she looked so mental that everyone was staring at her.

"I can make it" she said.

"make what" Beth asked sounding rather concerned for her friend.

"sorry guys but I've gotta go, I be back... later"

"go where" asked Beth concern growing stronger.

"can you just watch over Fred till I come back, ill be an hour tops but if I don't go now I probably be back in less then 20 minutes" and with that she was off, running faster then she had in years.

"WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING." Beth shouted as if Ellie was a naughty toddler and she was her mother.

Ellie briefly stopped in her tracks "I'm sorry, it's just, I forgot something, that's all" Ellie shouted back and then continued to run.

They all watched her running off into the distance, speechless all them, utterly shocked. Ellie was almost out of sight when Chloe broke the silence.

"what the actual fuck" 

"Clo, don't swear in front of the little'ns" Mark warned

"Ellie did" Chloe argued.

"yeah but she's clearly..."

"lost her mind" Tom finished for Mark.

"Tom" Beth said Sternly.

"but it's true she's clearly cracked" he cried "She lasted the whole trial, she was so strong, with all she went though, her husband being a murderer, me being a complete arsehole to her, not to mention getting accused of all kinds of shit like having an affair with Alec Hardy, and now after getting though all that she's finally lost it, lost her fucking marbles" Tom was almost crying now, Mark and Chloe went to comfort him. "Chin up lad she'll be fine", "She's probably just having a moment of madness, nothing permanent like", "you weren't an arsehole", "not a complete one anyway, you're a good son to her, int that right mum".

But Beth wasn't listening "Of course Alec Hardy" she sighed.

"What" asked Mark he was tired of everyone speaking out of context.

Beth spun round suddenly "Tom your mum's gonna be fine, she's not mad, well she is a bit but it makes us all a little mad doesn't it"

"what does" asked mark getting annoyed now.

"love"

 


	2. I Need Miller

Alec opened the taxi door and straitened out his shirt and tie, he wondered if he could go back to his old clean shaven everyman persona, he wasn't sure if he really wanted to but anything had to be better than the ghost of a man he'd been for the last four years.

"You getting in then mate"

"yeah one sec" Alec himself honestly didn't know why he hadn't got Into the cab then. what was he doing? This place was full of misery, it bought him no happiness and that blue shed of his had a direct view of the beach where he had found two bodies, _but he met Ellie there too_ , Ellie? since when did he replace Miller with Ellie in his head, it hardly mattered now though as he'll probably never see her again, Alec doubted they were the kind of _friends_ to keep in contact _,_ but at least she was happy now, she had all of her family and friends back and he had Daisy.

He thought of Daisy and how much she'd changed, but that was ok because she was growing up, becoming an adult, she had an excuse to change, an excuse for not knowing who she was, Alec had been an adult for 26 years now, and had no such excuse. He worried that his instability and genuine misery would be bad for Daisy, Dads aren't meant to be like this, they're meant to be strong and reassuring, reassuring was the complete opposite of what Alec was which is straight talking arsehole, but surely he'd be better now less off an arsehole, less miserable he'd got what he wanted: Sandbrook was solved and he had served his "penance" but then why did he still feel empty like something was missing.

"I can't wait around all day" said the cabbie getting annoyed now.

"Just awhile longer, I'm saying goodbye to this place"

What was he talking about he didn't need to say goodbye to Broadchurch it had never been a home to him and there was nothing keeping him here. So why was he still here and not on his way to Sandbrook? Why did he keep on thinking of "we're not all alone"?, Why did he keep on thinking of his and Ellie's goodbye, that awkward handshake, the awkward smile he gave her, the tears he was sure he saw her trying to hold back, and his urge to hug her, his need to hold her, to be held by her?. Why couldn't he get her smile and her eyes out of his head?  Why did he think of her strength but also her vulnerability? and most importantly why oh why did he keep thinking about that hideous orange coat of hers. He knew why. _I need Miller._

"mate seriously"

"yeah, yeah"

"are you listening to me" said the cab driver angrily.

He wasn't, He was trying to un-jumble his thoughts, so he needed Ellie, had feelings for Ellie, all encompassing feelings. She clearly didn't need him though in fact he was probably the last thing she needed, after all she'd been though she needed someone emotionally stable not someone who has nightmares every other night and cries in the shower. The feelings were unlikely to be mutual anyway, she didn't even want hug him, but that was a good thing because they would be the most fucked up couple ever: They met on a crime scene of a dead 11 year old, he'd accused her son of murder, he arrested her husband for said murder, the only things they ever bonded over was various leads to the cases, and last but certainly not least he hated that bloody nephew of hers. Yet despite all this he couldn't do it, he couldn't get in the bloody cab.

The Cabbie faked a cough to remind Alec of his growing impatience.

"yah, sorry there's been a change plan, I won't be needing your services" 

"oh for fuck sake, bleeding time waster" the cabbie cursed and started the taxi, Alec just managed to grab his bags out of the boot before the Cab pulled out.

Alec had only just started walking when he saw that bloody orange coat, Ellie was in it obviously, and she was running, stumbling actually and she looked like she about to pass out. So Alec ran to her.

 


	3. Please Don't Let Go

Ellie saw the Cab pull out, she'd missed him **for fuck sake** she thought as she slowed down. Maybe it was for the best, what the hell was she going to say anyway, what did she expect, she'd just had a moment of madness that was all, got attached to a man who for many months was her only friend and her lonely heart romanticised it as he left, she wasn't in love with him was she? On the worst night of her life Alec had told Ellie that you can never truly know what goes on in somebody else's heart but she didn't even know what was going on in her own. Ellie noticed that her vision was going slightly blurry and she couldn't feel her legs, just as she was about to fall a single hand grabbed her arm.

"Careful there Miller" said Alec unemotionally as he caught her.

"Bastard" Ellie gasped.

"what the hell was that for" asked Alec pretending to sound offended.

"force of habit" she replied.

"yeah, s'pose that's Ellie Miller for "hi Alec""

They both almost laughed at that.

"wasn't that your cab" asked Ellie her smile slipping through.  

"yep"

"shouldn't you be in it"

"most probably"

"..."

Alec knew from Ellie's silence and facial expression that she wanted an explanation, he did the half deep breath half sigh he always does when he's uncomfortable then decided he needed to say something.

"well eh Miller, I decided that I'm not done here"

"not done here" she said as if it was a question.

"yeh" he replied as if "not done here" was a perfectly legitimate explanation for staying, he quickly changed the subject "what are you doing here? why are you out of breath? and why've you got your coat on in this weather? do you ever take it off?" 

"you doing the multiple questions at 100mph thing again"

"Aye sorry, lets go with: why are you so out of breath"

"just ran here from the beach" Ellie replied as it was the most normal thing ever.

"that far" exclaimed Alec.

"yup"

"what the hell did do you that for"

"To take you up on your offer of course"

"what offer"

Ellie wrapped her arms around him "your offer of a hug"

"I offered that two months ago" 

"well if I'm to late" she snapped withdrawing her arms.

"I didn't say let go" he said as he embraced her.

"please don't let go, don't you ever let go" he whispered so quietly it was like he didn't even say it at all just thought it but she heard him anyway.

"do you know why I didn't want to hug you earlier"

"why"

"because I knew if I did I would've burst into tears, but that doesn't matter now"

"why not" he asked softly stroking her back

"because I been sweating so much that I don't think my body has enough liquid left to create any tears"

"careful Miller, if you keep on saying seductive things like that I might just fall for you"

They both started laughing but Alec's laughter turned into tears "I'm sorry Ellie" he spluttered.

His tears surprised her, she'd never experienced him cry, she guessed he did it quite a lot maybe even as much as her, but when he was around her he put a wall up, but that wall had fallen just like Ellie's no hugs wall all in the space of two minutes. 

"hey silly, sorry for what" she asked

"for being even more incentive than usual, Joe was let off and I just kept banging on about how you can't trust anyone, or love anyone and how we're all alone, I didn't hope you where right about not being alone I knew you were right, It's just a defence mechanism, I'm scared of trusting people, I'm scared of being trusted, Sandbrook had been looming over me for so long that I've forgotten what life was like before it, I've forgotten how to live a normal life, forgotten how to be Dad, I'm lost, I'm  _so far from who I was_  Ellie"

He'd gone from never letting any feelings slip through the cracks to pouring his heart out, she wanted to comfort him but all that came out was "did you just call me Ellie"

"yeah maybe I could use it on special occasions" he chuckled.

"so, so far we have sorry but your husband's a murderer and longest hug ever as special occasions"   

"yep, just don't make the first one an annual thing okay"

"..."

"to far" he asked withdrawing from the of the hug.

"definitely to far, but I'll forgive you... if you buy me chips" 

 


	4. Just Lonely

"c'mon we'll take these to our bench" said Ellie chomping on one of her chips as Alec put an unholy amount of vinegar on his.

"our bench" laughed Alec as he finally stopped assaulting the vinegar bottle"

"yep, they're be a plaque there when we're gone "In Memory of the Former Detectives club: Alec Hardy the worst cop in Britain and Ellie Miller who tried her best" 

"I'll be counting on it" Alec smiled.

* * *

 They could see Tom, Fred and The Latimers on the beach from their bench, They were all playing games and laughing: not a care in the world.

"do they know what you're doing" asked Alec.

"I don't even know what I'm doing" laughed Ellie with a hint of sincerity.

"I know that feeling"

"they don't look very concerned" Ellie observed relieved but also slightly offended.  

"why would they be"

"well I sort of just shot off with no explanation leaving them all confused"

"you're Ellie Miller" he chuckled "they've no need to be concerned for you, you're a detective and a bloody good one, they probably think it's best not asked questions, let you have a little madness, let you do what you gotta do, as long as you're back before dark"

Ellie smiled she was glad he was staying but she still couldn't help but wonder why, she already tried flat out asking him and that had got her no where so she tried a different way around it.

"What are you going to do now" she asked.

Half deep breath. half sigh "I need to get my shit together in order to be a good Dad to Daisy, here is as good a place as any to do that, I think I might try and go back to Broadchurch police and start renting the blue shack again till I can get a better place, then she can come visit me here"

"guess you'll be going for DI" sighed Ellie

"naturally, why the sigh" he asked

"I'm going for that too, as if it isn't enough for you to steal my job once you attempt it twice" she laughed.

"seriously" Alec asked raising his right eyebrow.

"course, I'd make a great DI"

"I'm sure you would" Alec admitted "it's just Broadchurch after everything"

"Broadchurch is my town I was born here, I was here before Joe. He turned my life upside down and almost ruined it but I won't give him the satisfaction of changing my whole life: that's why haven't moved house or changed my name its my boys name and mine as much as it is his, and that's why I'm going for DI, I was going for it before I knew what he was and I'm going for it now I do, I will not let him affect my life anymore"

"I get that but you can't just make decisions in spite of him because that means your feelings for him are still affecting you even if those feelings are hatred"

"very profound, you've got a point I suppose but It's not just in spite of him, like I said this is my town and I was born here, I care about this place and its people, I can't see my self working anywhere else and I bloody hate Devon"

"fair enough, may the best man or woman win" Alec smiled as he put the back of his arms on the bench and rested his hands on his head.

"ok, but we have to agree when, I mean If I get the Job or if for some reason they give it to you again: we won't let it come between us"

"agreed, you're far more important to me then the job"

Ellie couldn't help but blush "besides whoever doesn't get the DI, will probably get to be a DS"

"oh god, I haven't been a DS in 8 years" groaned Alec.

"then maybe's its time you went on the side line again, there's nothing wrong with being a sergeant you know"

"argh I know but... but I'll have to call you ma'am" Alec realized.

"ohhh this day just gets better" exclaimed Ellie and burst out laughing at the mere thought of Alec reluctantly calling her ma'am.

Alec shook is head and gave her a stern stare but before long he was laughing to.

* * *

Alec and Ellie had been nattering on their bench for about 20 minutes and not once did they mention murder or anything work related, they were just talking about... well normal things: Ellie expressed utter shock when finding out that Alec had no facial hair before coming to Broadchurch as she almost assumed he was born with some sort stubble, Alec was horrified but rather entertained by Ellie's horror stories about the fights she had with her sister growing up. But they had mainly talked about their kids, Alec talked about what it was like to have girl and Ellie told Alec what it was like to have sons, Alec had also given some tips on the dreaded teenage years that Tom was hurtling towards at a terrifying rate.  

"you're gonna have to book a couple of nights at the traders until you get your self sorted out" When Ellie said that it seemed that Alec's good mood dropped about a mile.

"argh Jesus" grumbled Alec.

"what's wrong with the traders, its good place, 3 stars"

"Aye, it just Fisher"

"what Becca, I don't like her that much but that's only because she slept with my best friend's husband, I think she's a good person deep down though and I don't see why you'd have a problem with her"

"I don't have a problem with her" Alec regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth as he knew Ellie would press.

"then why... oh did you sleep with her"

"no, god no, eh close but no" Alec said scratching behind his ear, the awkwardness was almost unbearable "she turned me down, which makes it more embarrassing I suppose, It was the worst come on ever I must of looked so desperate" he cringed as he remembered it "I was just lonely" he said putting his hands over his face.

"oh c'mon it couldn't of been that bad, I bet guys hit on her all the time she's probably forgotten about it by now"

"I doubt it she said she had ways of relaxing and then I actually said don't suppose you want to relax here with me tonight"

"that is quite bad" Ellie admitted.

"that's not even the worst part it was the reason she gave for turning me down"

"which was" asked Ellie intrigued.

Alec sighed he might as well tell the whole story now he'd gone this far "well at first she just gave me the standard you're not my type, which is fine I can deal wit that. Its what she said next that was soul crushing"

"and that was" asked Ellie Intrigue growing.

"well back then I was still suffering with my heart... condition and she knew about it because I sort of had a bit of a mini heart attack in the hotel" Ellie rolled her eyes at the realisation that he had two hear attacks before she found out about the condition. "she said she was my wife to get into the hospital which in my opinion is giving out mixed messages but anyway back at the hotel she said and I quote I'm scared you'd collapse on me"

Ellie couldn't help but explode with laughter "well I suppose that could be seen as a bit of a turn off" she gasped

"don't, please" Alec pleaded going incredibly red.

"I'm sorry" she said calming herself "we all have times of desperation I suppose, I'm not one to judge"

"you're not" asked Alec his tone implying she should share. 

"ah oh no I'm not talking about that"

"oh c'mon Miller I told you mine"

"ok I tell you but I want to know if you slept with Claire first, I mean I have asked you twice and you just said nothing "

"I did yep, I felt guilty about it for ages considering everything she'd been though I felt like I'd taken advantage of her but Tess cheated on me: I was hurting too and she convinced her husband smother a child to death so fuck her, but the whole forcing her that's bullshit"

"I know, I know you wouldn't do that"

"so, do tell"

"well I wasn't turned down, but I kind of wish I was now and actually I suppose it involved Claire is well" a horrified expression came across Alec's face "no not like" Ellie laughed "It was the night I found Rickey Gillespie's number in her phone, it had been a long day in court, like every other day in court and I just wanted to get drunk and she was really the only person I could go on a night out with at the time, how sad is that, anyway she persuaded me to have a one night stand with some bloke in her cottage while she got off with his mate in the next room, I didn't really want to, I'd never had a one night stand, don't think it's my sort of thing but I did it any way because I couldn't stand the fact that Joe had been the last person I slept with. I didn't enjoy the whole thing that much, not at all really, I know there's nothing wrong with having a one night stand and people do it all the time but I couldn't help feeling ashamed and dirty afterwards, I can't even remember his name I don't think I even asked what it was, I guess I was just lonely too" much to her annoyance tears started to fall down her cheeks.

Alec felt guilty about pushing her into talking about it "I'm sorry" he said wiping away her tears with the sleeves with his shirt.

"not your fault, I'm just being stupid" she sniffed

"you stupid, never" he had his hand on her her cheek now, an 1 hour ago she would've pushed him away but now she found herself resting her head on his hand and grasping the hand he had on her face with her own hand, she closed her eyes briefly before composing her self "look at us hey, the former detectives club after all this time"

"aye I know, what are they going to do with us" he said withdrawing his hand slowly.

"give us our jobs back if they have any sense" Ellie said with confidence.

Alec smiled "you better get back to your boys and I better go off to the traders" he sighed.

"I suppose you can have my sofa for couple of days if you want" offered Ellie

"thanks, but I don't want to impose"

"Its no trouble, you can help paint the house to earn your keep"

It turned out Alec did not need much persuading on the issue "I suppose it would be convenient to stay at yours for a couple of days, if you're sure"   

"that's settled then, you can come with me to the beach so you can come back with me and the boys, I'm not going home just to come back and pick you up later"

"I can drive again myself now, you know"   

"yeah well you can come to the beach with me anyway"

"yes ma'am" 

 


End file.
